My husband loves living in the suburbs, he grew up in them while I have always been an uban dweller, living in the burbs has many advantages, however the one disadvantage that annoys me more than telemarketing phone calls is people knocking on the door to sell me ..well…crap..or ask for money.
After days and days of having to stop to answer the door I put a sign on the window, next to the door in big bold letters that said…NO SOLICITING..EVER.
Well this deterred the Watch Tower Ladies, unless they saw me outside then they would stop to chat but that was minor. For the next two weeks after the sign went up, 8 people knocked on my door, and here is how those conversations went:
Me: Hello, did you see the sign that says No Soliciting
Them: Yes, but I assumed it didnt mean me.
Me: Why did you assume it didnt mean you?
Them1: Well, I am not a hooker
Them2: I am offering magazines for sale not begging for money for no reason
Them3: I figured you really didnt mean it once you found out about the great offer I have.
Them4: (This time I didnt even go to the door, just stood pointing to my sign) HEY I CAN SEE YOU IN THERE, open the door, I am not going to hurt you, I have oil changes for sale..HEY OPEN THE DOOR, I can see you!
Finally I realized that these people did not know what the word Soliciting meant, or what action “No Soliciting” requested them to do.
The next few folks that rang the bell recieved a vocabulary lesson about what door to door SOLICITING was, what NO SOLICITING meant and that a very grumpy web developer lived here. I recieved 1 threat and almost had to call the police.
Now the sign on my door reads:
DO NOT RING THIS BELL UNLESS YOU ARE ONE OF THE FOLLOW:
1. THE POLICE AND SOMEONE HAS BEEN ROBBED/SHOT/BEATEN OR GONE MISSING
2. THE FIRE DEPARTMENT AND SOMEONE IS ON FIRE, YOU ARE ON FIRE, THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE
3. YOU ARE DELIVERING PIZZA
4. YOU HAVE CALLED AHEAD AND MADE AN APPOINTMENT
5. YOU ARE THE PRIZE PATROL AND WANT TO GIVE ME A MILLION DOLLARS A WEEK FOR LIFE
You really have to draw the line, even on the sidewalk.
